Home Repair

At this very moment there is a contractor at my house.
He is refinishing the hardwood in my foyer, the lovely staircase,
and the upstairs landing. I am both excited and nervous about this
endevor. I have never hired anyone to do anything before.
I am hoping it all works out just fine.

Once the hardwood is done it is time to move onto the basement.
And then hopefully the house will be pretty enough to sell.

Another Monday.

I'm sitting in my "work cafe". Drinking tea, working on several proposals. One involves the current job--one involves the "hopefully" job. I heard over the weekend that I am a severe underdog, so no champagne popping yet. I have decided that I like the underdog position-it gives me license to go in and impress the hell out of them. So I will. On Friday afternoon.

Weekend was fun--including football (I'm not sore today! Minor victory)-two dinners out with other couples (Matt and Shannon on Friday and Paul and Cori on Saturday)--a b-day party/benefit at a loud, smokey bar-shopping on Sunday and dinner with the small people on Sunday night. I think the total caloric intake from said weekend must be about 10,000. Too much food.

Tonight is community dinner night--meaning I cook for a bunch of people and we sit around trying to pretend that there is some work agenda going on. Mostly just "church politics," food and red wine.

And, on a business note, I had a meeting with Mike's recommended realator--things were good. House will officially go back on the market in the next two weeks. Assuming that I can get my act together and finish all the minor projects. I called a company for an estimate to refinish the hardwood on the staircase--and picked out paint for the basement. Should be fun. And I will walk with a lovely chunk of money and the ability to save money every month. It feels good to actually have a plan for how to move forward. It will nice to have a savings account with a balance. Imagine that!

Back to proposals.
Yippiee.

(oh, and on a side note--Mike and the girls and I went to Sharper Image yesterday to investigate robots. I think we will be investing in a fleet of robots in the near future. A family of fighting robots. How cool is that?)

In Brief...

• Today is the first official day where I feel "good" after about a week of feeling like absolute shit.
• I got an interview (woohoo)--so cross your fingers, especially hard next Friday at 2pm.
• I found out a sex offender lives 4 houses down from me (in my old apartment).
• I have a meeting with a realator tomorrow afternoon to get a 'market analysis' so I can formally make a decision about selling/not selling.
• I spent $52.00 + $10.00 tip to get my haircut. Or trimmed as only 1" was removed.
• I learned that Victoria Secret does not sell bras in my size. How humiliating!
• I am wearing a cool suit today and feel like a professional, amazing what heels--matched pants/suitcoat--and grown up jewelry add to the equation.
• Working a 9am-9pm schedule today-jam packed with meetings!
• I discovered a new singer that I am researching: Sophie Zelmani. Anyone know anything?
• Wisconsin is getting a PRO Women's Football Team. Tryouts are February 26th. Here's the link to the homepage. Think I should try out? How cool would that be?
• More later! Work becons.

The beach was fun....

I never did write about my Virginia Beach trip.
Despite working insane hours and having meetings from 7am until late in the evening, I managed to have a blast.

We stayed on the ocean in a lovely hotel and my room had a balcony that overlooked the water.
The weather was a comfortable 60 degrees and lovely.
My fun colleagues and I found the most amazing bar ever...
-situated outside on the beach.
-huge fire-pits surrounded by a concrete "bar" (Imagine a round table made out of concrete with a giant fire in the middle).
-Great music.

We ended up there both nights we were in town.

The last night is where things got interesting...or, should I say they ALWAYS get interesting on the last night.
And I admit, that I play a kind-of-instigator role in all of this...
We had our normal midnight skinny dip in the ocean--which was fantastic. Full moon. (and full moons).
Then we sat and warmed up again in front of the fire. There were about 25 of us that stayed out all night.
We had an altercation which involved the bartender calling the police because we wouldn't leave. What can I say, you don't get 26 organizers to do anything by yelling at us (and we were clearly had 10 more minutes before the bar actually closed). The police never actually showed up, and after 20 minutes of our "sit-in-protest" we decided to walk down the main drag (Atlantic Avenue) back home.

That's when we found a shopping cart.
Woohoo...let the fun begin.

We all took turns in the shopping cart, being hurled down the middle of the street in the middle of the night. It was oe of the most liberating things that I have ever done. And, you have to remember that I am one of the youngest organizers...we had people up to age 55 riding in the shopping cart. It was amazing.

And provided for interesting breakfast gossip the next morning.
But, hey, we did not get arrested.
That is something of an accomplishment.

I do work with some of the best people ever.

Mending.

I decided that I would sleep today until my body woke up.
I got the girls off to school (bless them, they dressed themselves, ate, brushed teeth, etc. without my help).
I crawled back in bed.
Tuned off the phone.
And woke up at 2pm.

I think that means I slept from 11pm until 2pm.
Which, if my math is correct, is 15 hours.

I feel a bit better today.
Still have a fever.
Still have a sore throat.
BUT...I have most of my voice back.
That is something.

Maybe by the weekend I'll be a human being again.
Wouldn't that be great.

Man, I hate Mondays.

I could still be asleep. That is actually what my body is saying at the moment. My head aches, I am running a fever and am silmotaneously hot, then cold, then sweating, then it starts all over. I ache everywhere. Mostly my neck and back. And I feel as wimpy and pathetic as this blog sounds at the moment.

I survived the weekend--barely. Last night I was a pathetic lump on my couch and I fell asleep at 7:30. Watching a really good football game, which is shameful. It was the last game before the SuperBowl. How sad is that. And I missed almost the entire 2nd half. Taking a nap also meant that I couldn't fall into sleep with ease. I finally conked out at about midnight.

The funeral on Friday was gorgeous and horrific all the same time.
I think there were at least 2000 people that made their way through the church to offer sympathy to my uncle and cousins. Over 1000 were there for the service alone. How they stayed upright through the enire 6 hour affair is beyond me. I know I was tired of talking to people and tired of being stared at as "the family"--I can't imagine what it was like for them.

Somewhere on Thursday I caught a nasty cold. And the church was not heated for the funeral (or it was just not heated enough) so I froze and shivered the entire time. My cousins and I huddled together for most of the time. I am the oldest, so they look to me for leadership. They took turns coming up to me and hugging me for comfort and almost immediatly after embracing we would all take turns sobbing. The service was unbearably sad--I cried almost non-stop for the entire hour and half. My cousin Andrea, who is 19 and a freshman in college and a music major sang a tribute song that was amazingly gorgeous. I haven't been moved by music like that in a long, long time. The seven of us in our pew had to make three seperate trips to the back of the church for kleenex reinforcement.

Saturday was my cousin's swim meet. He swam really well-taking a solid first place in his best event. It was was great to be there, although long (over 4 hours) and HOT. I had no idea that it would be so humid and steamy, but it does make sense. I was sweating bullets the whole time. And by night I had another fever. And chills. And just wanted to be under covers and warm and safe.

So, today I am at work. I feel like complete shit. I absolutely need to be at work because I am so fucking behind. I had over 100 emails that I NEEDED to reply to. And more spam to sort and delete. And all I really want/need is tea and comforter and chicken soup. And maybe a hot bath.

I feel selfish for complaining about my petty probelms. Thinking about the recovery of my uncle and the road ahead for my cousins keeps me grounded in a "get over yourself" attitude that makes it easier to stick this out.

So. I am here. Sticking it out. At least until mid-afternoon.

Hanging In There....

I feel like this has been an incredible long week. Time is not moving as quickly as I would like it to. My uncle is still in the hospital and will be until at least Thursday, aparently there is still internal bleeding. I am glad that he is in a hospital so that he is getting all care avavilable. I'm not overly worried (yet) but they had expected him to go home several days ago.

I am trying to work. Which is mainly just answering emails and making sure things are falling too far behings. Not that I care much. I did almost finish my resume and it will be sent out today. I have killer references. And the inside scoop is that there is "no inside scoop". And that the hiring committee is starting to panic because they haven't drawn the talent they had hoped. So, I think this bodes well for me.

My sister arrives in town tomorrow. The rest of the family Thursday and Friday. And then we'll have a long, funeral weekend. Friday night is the visitation and the funeral and the dinner. Then Saturday there is a huge swim meet that is dedicated to my aunt (she was the chair of the organizing committee). My cousin will swim and I think there will be at least 250 people there to cheer him on. It should both be gut wrenching and inspiring all at the same time.

In the meantime I give you this--my sister sent it to me--and it particularily makes sense to me today. I hope you and yours are all well.

The Log from the Sea of Cortez

A boat docked in a tiny Mexican village. An American tourist complimented the Mexican fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took him to catch them."Not very long," answered the Mexican."But then, why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?" asked the American. The Mexican explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs and those of his family. The American asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, and take a siesta with my wife. In the evenings, I go into the village to see my friends, play the guitar, and sing a few songs... I have a full life."

The American interrupted , "I have an MBA from Harvard, and I can help you! You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat." "And after that?" asked the Mexican. "With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers. Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can then negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City, Los Angeles, or even New York City! From there you can direct your huge new enterprise." "How long would that take?" asked the Mexican." Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years," replied the American. "And after that?"

"Afterwards? Well my friend, that's when it gets really interesting," answered the American, laughing. "When your business gets really big, you can start selling stocks and make millions!" "Millions? Really? And after that?" said the Mexican."

After that you'll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, take a siesta with your wife and spend your evenings doing what you like and enjoying your friends."

And the moral is: Know where you're going in life...you may already be there.~Author Unknown~

Another Goodbye.

It has been another tragic week for my family.
Monday night my aunt and uncle were driving home from my cousin's soccer game and were hit by a driver who ran a stop sign. My aunt was killed instantly. My uncle was airlifted into sugery and was operated on. He suffered a punctured lung, broken ribs and bones, lacerated liver, torn diaphram. Maybe more that I don't even know about yet. They have two boys--one is a senior in high school and will be graduating as the valedictorian. The other is 20 and sophomore in college. My aunt, Jody was a high school librarian. They live near us in a Milwaukee suburb. Jody and my uncle Steve dated since they were 16. I was the flowergirl in their wedding when I was 6. And now she is gone forever and he is suffering. She was 47. They had just celebrated their 24th wedding anniversary. They were a wonderful couple, she was the model mother. And my boy cousins will have to face a life without her. My uncle will face living alone. And our family will lose a woman that was so much a presence in our lives. It sucks. Death, especially tragic unexplicable death, hurts more than I am able to express. I don't even want to let it in yet. But I have to.

I am on my way to the hospital.
To join the family that has come to rely on each other.
My mom's amazing family of 10 siblings, spouses and 36 cousins.
I will try and offer whatever I can and try not to break donwn too much.
*Sigh*

Killing Monday

I should be doing other things. I leave at 3am for Virgina Beach. I should finish cleaning my house before the seminary students arrive in 4 hours. But I found this. And thought it would be much more fun than anything else I could do in the next hour. So, here it goes. :)

Layer One
Name: Kristen Kay Langjahr Bonk O'Neill Rogers
Birthdate: September 18th, 1975
Birthplace: Marshfield, WI
Current Location: Milwaukee. In a cafe.
Eye Color: Mostly blue-but greyish too with a brownish-yellow ring around my pupils.
Hair Color: Dyed Blonde. Not Dyed, brown.
Righty or Lefty: righty
Sun Sign: Virgo

Layer Two
Your heritage: 100% German
The shoes you wore today: My New Balance tennis shoes. To go with my track suit.
Your hair: The longest it has ever been. Ever. I like it, mostly.
Your eyes: My father's. And secretly I think they are really cool.
Your weakness: champagne. desserts. internet. and having a cigarette once in awhile.
Your fears: money. Disappointing people that I love. Not being happy. Spending my life without a partner/lover/husband and endin gup alone.
Your perfect pizza: Pepperoni, mushroom, onion. Or a recent discovery: gorgonzola, white cheese, green apples and waluts. MMMMNNNNNNN.
One thing you'd like to achieve: Being an important elected official. Have more children.

Layer Three
Your most overused phrase: "Fuck....."
Your first waking thoughts: "I hate being awake." or "Fuck being awake."
The first feature you notice in the opposite sex: smile. eyes. posture.
Your best physical feature: ?? eyes?? and I like my hands and my shoulders.
Your bedtime: later than it should be...
Your greatest fear: something horrible happening to my children or me getting really sick.
Your greatest accomplishment: raising my daughters, being an awesome organizer, remaining an optimist in the midst of all the personal hells I've been through.
Your most missed memory: those people who have died and the things I shared with them. I miss that I never got to know my father in a real way.

Layer Four
Pepsi or Coke: Diet Coke. Or Diet Mt. Dew.
McDonald's or Burger King: McDONALDS! My secret love.
Single or group dates: Both--some alone time, some time spent socializing with other people.
Adidas or Nike: New Balance
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Who cares?
Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate.
Cappuccino or coffee: Coffee. Black. Strong.

Layer Five
Smoke: *sigh* I quit. And I am proud of quitting, but I do miss the occasional burn of the first inhale.
Cuss: All the motherfucking time. I am trying to work on it.
Sing: Yes. Poorly. But I love nothing more than a good song played LOUD in the car and singing along at the top of my lungs.
Take a shower everyday: everyday? no. Most days? yes. But being grungy on the weekend and staying in sweats all day can be quite lovely.
Have a crush(es): just one.
Who? Mike, duh.
Want to go to college: Yes, I do need to finish my degree at some point. Just not this semester as I previously thought.
Like high school: I was misserable and I left after 3 years.
Want to get married: Yup.
Believe in yourself: Somedays more than others. Generally I have a good mix of self-confidence and the ability to be self-critical.
Type with your fingers on the right keys: Yes.
Think you're attractive: Kinda. Compared to five years ago, yes. Compared to the general population, not so much.
Think you're a health freak: Freak? No. But I am trying. I want this year to be a huge step forward in my health and physical shape.
Get along with your parents: Yes.
Play an instrument: I can plunk around on the piano.

Layer Six
In the past month, did you...
Drink alcohol: Yes.
Smoke: I had one cigarette with a friend on New Year's Eve.
Do a drug: No.
Make Out: Yes. :)
Go on a date: Lots of dates, same guy.
Eat an entire box of Oreos: No, but that sounds yummmy.
Eat sushi: No.
Been on stage: No.
Been dumped: No.
Gone skating: No.
Made homemade cookies: Yes, I baked cut-outs for Christmas and made chocolate covered peanut butter balls. I should do this more often.
Been in love: Am in love.
Gone skinny dipping: Not yet. But it is on the agenda for the upcoming trip to Virgina Beach...we have a "club" --the chichis de Luna. Oceah ahoy!
Dyed your hair: Yes.
Stolen anything: I stole a pen from a waitress.

Layer Seven
Have you ever...
Played a game that required removal of clothing: Yes when I played truth or dare with the neighbors when I was in 7th and 8th grade. I don't think I ever had to take more than my socks off.
If so, was it mixed company: Yes--but it was truly innocent.
Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: I have. Not often. The last time was my b-day. Before that, I have no idea?
Been caught "doing something": no.
Been called a tease: I don't think so?
Gotten beaten up: No, I am the one that wins fights!
Shoplifted: nope!
Changed who you were to fit in: I've tried. Constantly. But I have decided that I mostly like (and am even comfortable) myself.

Layer Eight
Age you hope to be married: I don't remember what I thought when I was young. I definatly never thought I would be married at 20.
Numbers and Names of Children: I would LOVE more kids...preferably two, maybe three. At least one boy. Names? Jane? Charlie? I have no idea about names.
Describe your Dream Wedding: A weekend of fun: Friday-Saturday-Sunday. It would involve some sports: golf? pick-up football? It would be relaxed and as casual as possible. Probably bigger than I think, I have lots of family. There would be lots of dancing. I would have a smile plastered across my face the entire time. The ceremony would involve clergy from at least four denominations. There would be fireworks and champangne. And lots of candles. And a bonfire on Friday night. Golf-the ceremony-the reception on Saturday. And to cap off the weekend, a pick-up game of football and brunch on Sunday. Of course if it takes place between the months of September and January there would be a football watching party on Sunday. Or, I haven't given it much thought! :)
How do you want to die: I would prefer not to. But I would like to be at least 85.
What do you want to be when you grow up: Governor or President, but I would settle for happy and loved.
What countr(ies) would you most like to visit: Chile and England.

Layer Nine
Number of men I have kissed: I don't kiss and tell.
Number of girlfriends you've had: Serious ones? 3
Number of drugs taken illegally: I've smoked pot and done speed. Not a lot of either.
Number of people I could trust with my life: At least 7. I'm lucky.
Number of CDs that I own: According to the latest ipod calculations, I have 157 albums.
Number of piercings: Five. Two in one earlobe, three in the other. Child of the early 90's.
Number of tattoos: Three. And damn proud of them.
Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: Quite a few. That's what you get for being politically active.
Number of scars on my body: Three come to mind: one on my left foot where I had surgury to put screws in my toe, one on my chin where I gashed myseld when I was 6, and one small one on my leg where I had a thorn stuck in my leg for several weeks.
Number of things in my past that I regret: I try not to think in terms of "regrets." But there are a few.

Ok, now I'm done.
Time to go home, clean, pack, fetch kids, meet guests, have dinner meeting, sleep fast, then depart at 4am. More later in the week. But I do get to pack capris and shorts and sandals. *smile*

Back to migraines....

I have been keeping a secret for awhile.
I have been getting migraines for about two months--not bad ones--but they are back.

I have lived in my own denial as well. I hate the implications. I hate thinking (or aknowledging) that I'll have to be back on medication, that I am not invincible, that something is actually wrong with me. I finally told Mike over lunch last week in a conversation that was not supposed to end up in me confessing my migraines or my fears about them. But I did. And somehow it made me feel better that one other person actually knew about this.

Turns out that was a hellofa good decision.

Friday night we took the girls bowling--I had been struggling with a migraine for several days (on and off and not too terrible) and it finally kicked into high gear. Where my vision goes blurry, I start to think I might throw up, and I know that I cannot deny that I am sick. I have to confess -- well because I need help. I decided to call my brother Kennan for his perspective (and I secretly hoped he would tell me that I didn't have to go to the hospital). He did not say what I wanted to hear. Instead he told me to get to an ER and get them to give me drugs to "break" my migraine. So, we dropped children off and Matt/Shannon's and Mike took me to the ER. His first official ER visit with me! (I know, for some people going to the ER is the occaisional, once in a lifetime scenerio, with me, well, you know--I go several times a year). They got an iv going and gave me fluids and the drug that is strong enough to interrupt the migraine. Yeah. I was knocked out -- in a hospital gown and bed-- and we spent our Friday night in the hospital together. Mike was great--he held my hand, he didn't freak out, he made me feel absolutely safe. It was nice not to have to do this alone.

And so, back to the dr I will go. I am sure I'll be put back on depacote and maybe even get to have another MRI. Yeah. I hate this whole thing.

But it could be worse. I do know that.
And I am glad I know how and what to do in these scenerios.
I am glad I have a brother who works in neurology and who went to my previous appointments with me. I'm glad he knows all the medical lingo that I forget...
And super glad to have an emergency contact and bedside companion.
It makes all the difference to have someone who strokes your hair while your brain is setting off fireworks and your mind is freaking out and imagining "tumor" or worse.

And it feels great to get to go home. And go on with your life.
Lucky me.

TGIF

*yeah*

I am so glad that it is Friday. I am exhausted at the moment. Just concluded a three hour staff meeting. I was "up" for agitation. Meaning that the group reads my report and then probes, pushes and kicks my ass about my work. Joy. I was told that it is clear that I avoid committing to one plan because life has screwed me so many times--that it is easier for me not to committ becasue in my mind, I think, I'm just gonna get my heart broken and things taken away in the long run. That made me sad. And made tears start running down my face.

So, I confessed today that I am confused about what path I should take professionally, and that I resit committing to one specific plan. I think they all knew that I behave this way, but still I SAID IT OUT LOUD. It didn't feel great. I hate being confused and I want to *do the right* thing. I just wish it was clear what the right thing actually was.

I have a "retreat " in Virgina Beach next week-Tuesday through Thursday. I usually look forward to these events but at the moment I don't wat to go. I want to run away from making any work decisions. However, then I just do half ass stuff.

I do want to be important and do great things in the world. I know that I have talents that make other people envious. BUT what good does all of this mean if I don't know what I want???

I am going to apply for the Executive Director position. See if they want me to run their organization. I think it beats me staying here and avoiding making any deicisions.

So, at the moment I listen to Dar Williams, "When I was a Boy." And wishing that I could go back to being a small person. And ride my bike with no shirt on.

But, I'll settle for for comfort food tonight and football tomorrow. And I will figure my life out.

And now, the drumroll please....

I think I just reached potential professional nirvana.

I know, that sounds BIG.

It just might proove to be true.

I have just returned from a meeting with a woman who I have worked with for about 5 years. She is the executive director of another state-wide organization. She is very well respected and admired in the political world.

In this meeting she informed me of a job posting that she thinks I should apply for...
And hands me the announcement.

And I about scream for joy.

It is an Executive Director position for a Women's political organizaiton....raising money for candidates and select political races. It would put me in touch with EVERYONE who matters in the political world. And who has money. And she's write my recommendation.

And maybe, the best part....(besides putting me on a path to the Governor's office and then to the White House)...is that it is a $10,000 raise with a 28hour work week.

Ok. Am I gonna apply.

Duh.

So cross your fingers out there. This could be the "thing" I have been looking for.
This could be the doorway into the bigtime of Wisconsin politics.

*yeah* *smile*

Good Decision?

I just agreed to host two seminary students at my house for 10 days.

I didn't really think about it--cause I'm the type who just "jumps right in."
I am sure it will be fine.
I like meeting new people and it poses no problem to share my space.

However,
...this means that I just committed to having to CLEAN my house, grocery shop, launder towels and clean sheets. All before Monday.

Somedays I should just keep my mouth shut! (but we all know that is not possible!)

I have an ipod...

And his name is Fred.

Fred has 30GB of space.
Fred plays movies and videos.
Fred currently has over 1,400 songs uploaded into his library.
Fred has a playlist that is titled, "Run, Fred, Run."
His owner (me) uses it to get her ass outside and run.
So far, so good.
Fred and I have done 6.5 miles in 3.0 days.
Fred is a good friend.

It's such a shame that I waited so long to find Fred.

Who else could sing me the following 5 songs in a row?
-Brittney Spear's: My Prerogative
-Kenny Rogers: The Gambler
-Ramones: Glad to See You Go
-Neil Diamond (with Barbara Striesand) You Don't Bring Me Flowers
-Eminem: Ass Like That

Good boy Fred.

See what I do.

Here's a link to the newly updated website.
I think it is so cool.

(www.gamaliel.org/sophia).

And it is proof that something actually happens in Waukesha County.

2006 Ahead

• I have been at work since 9am this morning.
• Grace and Margaret both cried this morning (first morning back to school from break)
• I wanted to cry--but drank a pot of coffee and two diet dews instead.
• I am writing a new strategic plan for my organizations and my new responsibilities.
• I have been listening to my itunes since 7am--currently listening to the RENT Soundtrack.
• I have uploaded 13 cds since I have arrived this morning.
• I officially have 11 meetings on my agenda starting this afternoon and ending on Friday afternoon. *sigh*
• I have sent at least 100 emails since getting back at work this morning.
• I have scheduled two trainings for me this month since getting back at work this morning.
• I have peed three times since getting back at work this morning.

What can I say, the day is early???