Save the Date

Friday, October 20, 2006

We're getting married at 5pm at Ascension Lutheran Church in Waukesha.
My friend (who is also a pastor and assistant to the Bishop) will perform the ceremony.
Afterwards we'll have a casual reception at Frame Park in Waukesha. (The location where Mike asked me to marry him). There is a lovely indoor pavillion that is set right on the Fox river (hopefully it will be a lovely fall day). We'll have some food and drink and hopefully live music by our favorite band, The Pulltops (or some of The Pulltops). We can't wait. We're trying to keep this small (ish)...my family alone is 60 people. We really want this day to be all about having a great time. We're not going to stress too much about details...so, come join us, dance with, laugh with us. We can't wait to be married!

Wrapping Up the end of May

• The BIG news is that Mike and I are engaged! Yeah us. Thanks Mike. He proposed on Saturday on one knee at Frame Park in Waukesha. It was a gorgeous day, I was surprised--and he was perfect. I can't stop looking at my sparkly ring and smiling. I couldn't be happier. Girls are very happy as well.
• Migraines are more under control this week than they were last week. Which is progress. Which is good. I saw my neurologist who explained to me that these things are within the range of what migraine patients get. That I might go numb again, it might become a regualr thing, or it might never happen again...hard to predict. He did give me the prescription of a drug that I can inject myself which is a very empowering thing. The injections work and he's hopeful that I won't have to do them every day. Which is a good thingbecasue they leave bruises and they aren't cheap! It costs $25.00 a day (for two shots) but is worth every penny not to feel completly awful. Hopefully we're on an upward trajectory here.
• Mike and I had our home inspection for the lovely house that we have an accepted offer on. I think that I have hesitated to wrtie much about it becasue I am fearful that I will get my hopes up and we will somehow lose it. It is a 5 bedroom lovely home. We adore it. It has a fireplace and a cute yard. And nothing is wrong with it. We like that fact.
• Tomorrow night Mike and I are heading out on our first adult vacation...we're heading to Cleveland...NFL Hall of Fame, Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, and CeadarPoint (Rollercoaster capital of the world!!!!). After all this migraine shit I am very much looking forward to 4 days away.

Tomamax

I'm sitting at my desk listening to soft music throuh my headphones with my door shut, sipping hot stong coffee waiting for the topamax and imitrex to take hold. My migraines are back. With a force that is beyond anything that I have ever experienced. I don't mean to be dramatic about it, but this time it is scarry stuff, even for me, the girl who gets every odd diesease.

It started a week ago. My right side of my face went numb. Not all day, just on and off. I ignored it. It went away. But on Friday my right arm was numb, I was stumblinging, I had trouble getting words out and was scared. The doctor's office told me to go to the ER asap, where they thought (at first) I was having a stroke...but quickly decided that I was probably having an aypical migraine which acts just like a stoke. My brother Kennan came down and sat with me, Mike came from work, and we waited while they did all the big tests. My options at that point weren't great: brain tumor, stoke, or atypical migraine. Huh, which one would I prefer to be having??? I had the head CT, the MRI and an MRV which is a brain scan that looks deeper into the veins to make sure I wasn't clotting anywhere. I had nothing abnormal. So, I am the mystery migraine patient. They gave me drugs and said, please come back if symptoms get worse. They also told me that they had no idea how long my right side would feel paralyzed. Maybe a day, maybe week, they had no idea.

Saturday I still felt weak, but I wanted to try to fit back into my regular life. So, I went to softball practice. Which wasn't as bad as I thought. I could throw the ball--I had to think about it really hard, but I could hit the target. Mike was helping me and he had me bat, which I could hit the ball. Not bad. But it wore me out, and trying to field balls in the outfield was odd. I felt like at any moment I would fall down, so I sat it out. At home I went to grab a glass of water and my entire right arm was shaking (think MS where you have no control) it lasted about a minute and then was gone, so I wasn't too freaked out). I was still having headaches, but this isn't something new, I have migraines, I get migraines...so I proceed with my day.

Mike and I had longstanding plans with friends of ours to go to have dinner and go to the INXS concert (which was AMAZING) and there was no way that I was going to miss that. We dropped the kids off at Mike's sister's house (thanks Julie and Todd) and headed to dinner and the concert. During the concert is when I started falling apart. My right leg was shaking hard and I couldn't stand. And I had a hard time walking. We stayed through the concert (me looking at an older 60ish woman dancing the row ahead of us an jealous, secretly wondering if I was not going to be permanently paralyzed and an invalid forever). But after the concert we went back to the ER.

ER. Saturday night. In Milwaukee. At 11:30pm.

With all the gun-shot traumas, drunk people, car accidents, and whatever else was going on all night long. No one saw me for hours. Well, they saw me momentarily, told me that they looked at my charts from the day before, that I didn't have a brain tumor, so I shouldn't worry. And I said, but you told me to come back if it got worse! And they said, well, we have gun shot victims, so you'll have to wait. At 3am, I said I wanted to go home, that I would see my neurologist on Thursday. Then I talked to two more doctors who were nice, but they didn't have anything new to add. I stayed and waited until 6am and then we went home. We had church with Mike's parents at 10:30 and needed some sleep. And, it was clear no one could or would be able to do anything for me.

So, it is Wednesday. My feeling in my right side still hasn't fully come back. I get moments where I cry because I am scared. But I know logically that I am not dying some horrible death. I am back on anti-seizure drugs to treat the migraines. No more depacote (I protested) now I am on topamax (which should make me lose weight :-) and I take imitrex as an emergency drug, so as soon as I feel a migraine coming on I take a pill. I have to say, this hasn't worked real well, as I still have the same headache for a week. So, I think they are going to prescribe injections that I will take at home. We'll see. I see my dr. tomorrow. I can't wait.

In the meantime, I am trying to adjust. I haven't worn high heels in a week, very, very sad. I will try and play softball tonight, but Mike has permission to bench me at any moment. I have trouble typing with my right hand and am slow. And I get really tired. But, in a weird way, I am adjusting to this. I have started to notice people that are in wheelchairs more--and I have more empathy for them. That even though I am definitly "off" I am still upright. I still can go to work. And there are moments, even thought they are brief, where the headache clears and I can get back to work.

Like this one. The drugs, the caffiene and the sugar have all kicked in.
I'm going to do some work while I am high.

The Big Life Update

I haven't written in awhile. I've ranted, sure. But not done any updating to this thing.

Life is hectic. What can I say, that about sums it up. I am trying really hard not to stress out and freak out, mostly succeeding, but there are moments when I am ready to drive to the airport and buy a ticket to anywhere. For those of you who are new to my life, this is a recurring fantasy. And once when I lived in Rockford, IL I actually drove to O'Hare. Once I flew to Texas without any luggage to visit a friend because I was too stressed out. Yup. Drove to the airport, bought a ticket and left. I had just finished a meeting and was in a business suit and left. Bought clothes at Target when I arrived. So. This is sort of real. But, happy to report that I haven't had even gotten in the car to drive anywhere near the airport. Yeah.

Work is hard. I am overwhelmed and not sure if I am doing a good enough job. I have so much to do, so little time, and it seems like lots of advice. Which mostly just frustrates me. I am trying to remember the first year of organizing where I wanted to quit EVERY day, but hung in there and became good. That is what I keep thinking here. Just struggle through all this stuff and you'll be fine. I do miss the people that I came in contact with in the old job. Here I sit at my desk and work on documents and stuff, but rarely interact with people in the way that I used to. The upside of this is that I get to go home at 5:45 every day. I have a life that is defined more by my loved ones, my friends, my sports, and the large group that I call my family. I knew that one of the reasons I took this job was so that I could have a life with my kids and with Mike. So I wouldn't have to miss out on the fun things that he has gotten me involved with (like the two softball teams and two volleyball teams). I don't miss the demands of my old job. But sometimes I miss what I got to do every day.

House situation still is a big fat mystery. We found another one that we love. I saw it last Friday and Mike and the girls and I went back last night. It has 5 bedrooms. A kitchen that has been refinished and is gorgeous. A cute yard. A real fireplace. And it is a wonderful price. We're making an offer tonight. And still hoping that one of the two houses we currently own will soon disappear. Wouldn't that be nice???

Spent the weekend hanging out with Mike's family. Monday of last week I had golfed with his brother-in-law and then had lunch with his sister, his brother and brother's wife (hi everybody). After lunch they gave me a tour of where they all work (they write, produce and edit music) and I was introduced as the "future-sister-in-law....(long pause) maybe." I liked it. I am happy that they approve of me as a suitable future wife for their brother. Or they act well. Friday night the 6 of us had dinner at a lovely Italian place, then went to Tom and Lynn's boat (brother and sister-in-law) which was awesome. I think we should all have boats, don't you? A fleet. That would be so cool. Afterwards we had dessert and coffee at a swanky place and left feeling stuffed. I had a blast, laughed my ass off. Like I said, I like these people. A lot. And Grace and Margaret really like the two nephews who are 11 and 6. They make a cute little herd of children.

Sunday was Mother's Day. Yahoo. Had breakfast and basement cleaning chez my mother. And lunched with Mike's family at Julie and Todd's house (sister and bro-in-law). We got into an interesting conversation about getting married that ended up with Mike and I agreeing to go to church with his parents on Sunday and talk to the priest to see if there is any way that someone could do something to get us married in, on, around or near a Catholic church. If you're not Catholic, you need to know that no priest would ever marry me in a Catholic church unless I get an annulment. Which is an investigation into my first marriage to see if it was in fact, flawed from day one. And since there was a kid. It was flawed. This lovely investigation takes 18 months to 2 years and costs between $500 and $1,000. I'm not real keen on the whole process. But. I know that it is important to Mike's parents, so I am willing to be open to seeing if there is anyway we could do this wedding thing in a church. But. There is no way in hell we're waiting 2 years to get married. Not when we'll be living in a house together in several months.

And, for those of you keeping score, no we are not officially engaged yet. Stop asking, we'll tell you when it happens. Or, it might never happen. We might just get married. Wouldn't that be something.

Ok, back to looking at budget numbers and trying to figure somethings out. Hoping that by the end of the day I'll know more about life. But, if not I will wait. This house thing is testing my patience for sure. You'll get updated when I have something interesting to say.

We're Going to Disney Land

A quick break from budget analysis to say, we are going to Disney World in January for 10 days. I want to be there now. It has been raining for 7 days straight and the forecast says it will rain until Saturday. Ug. For now I will try to imagine that I am seated on a beach enjoying a Foridain vacation. At least for the next 8 months.

Don't let them take away your sex.

I have been working for about two months for an organization with an agenda to get more pro-choice women elected to the Wisconsin State legislature. I like my job a lot and I like that I am part of a group trying to protect a women's right to choose. When I started this job I thought the right to choose was mainly about protecting access to abortion services. Which I definitely want to protect (there are only three sites in WI that offer abortion services in the year 2006). I don't think this makes me pro-abortion. I am not out picketing for women to have more abortions. Simply this is a safe medical procedure and I strongly belive that women, men and doctors should have access to information and services.

What I am disturbed to learn is that there is a much bigger trend on the horizon. The ultra-conservatives are trying to ban contraception. Seriously. Imagine what your first sexual encounters might have been without contraception. Or, be me...and have a ten year old. I am highly disturbed that the pill, condoms (especially in a time where we have AIDS), morning after pill and other forms of birth control are coming under attack. There are scary laws trying to make their way into Wisconsin law: 1) right to lie to the pregnant patient if doctor thinks pregnant women might abort fetus, 2) right to deny filling birth control prescriptions if pharmacists morally object, 3) banning the sale of birthcontrol and condoms within a specific distance from all UW campuses.

I'm not making this up. Lately I have been known to say to my guy friends, "My job includes trying to save your right to your prized Trojans." And I am not kidding. Being pro-choice is not just some feminist ideal, it is about men and women deciding what kind of contraception they want to use while they engage in SEX. But here's the kicker. If you are a Christian evangelical your agenda is to eliminate S-E-X. Unless you want to create life. Then go ahead and screw. Some sermons in right-wing congregations are even saying that sex within the context of marriage while using contraception is shameful, horrible, sinful.

Well, I have a confession. I like sex. I love sex. I think it can be wonderful and fun and romantic and playful. It can be about wanting a baby. But let's fess, most of the time, most of us do not have a child as the goal. We want orgasms. Safe, protected, fabulous orgasms. Some of us like our sex with a monogomous partner--or spouse. Some don't. I have yet to meet a human being: gay, straight, bisexual, or transexual who doesn't enjoy the act of sex. Ever. And I dare you to say you don't like sex, that you don't think about sex, or fantasize about sex or listen to music that talks about sex. WE ALL DO IT.

But read this. And think about the pro-choice debate that is going on in America. Think about what it would mean to us if contraception was illegal. The pill was only first made legal in 1968.

Ny Times Magazine had this great article. Read onward if you'd like to keep your private parts all safe and sound. Like I said, don't let them take your sex away.

Bogged down and fogged in...but at least it is not raining.

I'm writing this from my desk at work. Currently the view from my window is fog. That's it just fog. There is a pile on my desk that is slightly smaller than when I arrived 7.5 hours ago. And there are about 20 blue sticky notes all over the desk. My new "system." I have decided that I needed to sort though all the pending projects and asses whether or not they needed me today, tomorrow, or sometime when I have "free" time (ha!). So, I wrote each project out on a sticky note and plastered them all over my desk in, now I will stick them on the wall as a way to prioritize my work projects. At the moment I am fried and ready to play softball tongiht.

We played last night and suffered a disappointing loss. We were ahead and they came back due to a series of unfortunate events. It was raining and the field was slippery, so we'll blame the conditions on our outing. My friend Joy made the last out of the game, and as she walked off she said, "I'm sorry, I lost the game." And one of the boys replied, "No, it takes a whole team to lose a game." Ditto that. Hopefully tonight will be different.

We're Now Live

My new organization.

Reunion

My friend Sara left today after spending 2 days at my house.
It is good to see people who you miss.

Sara and I met in college, she's the only remaining college friend. We lived in the same dorm, stayed on the same floor and always wondered why weren't roommates. We should have been. We each had a psycho roomie that we bitched to each other about. We both smoked and loved beer and would drink Boone's Farm straight from the bottle.

She was the first person I knew that ever did online chatting which led to her flying to New Mexico to meet some guy. I remember that she borrowed my pink silk pajamas for the trip and even though we were still virgins we talked about sex a lot. While she was away I paniced that she was going to be abducted and killed and raped and that I would never see her again. But she came back. The scandal was that the guy she met was married and his wife was pregnant and he was in his 30's. We all thought 30 was OLD. But she came back in one piece, didn't have sex with this guy and we still laugh about how stupid freshmen in college can be.

She stood up in my wedding. Came to Grace's first birthday party. We saw each other infrequently over the years, but the bond remains.

Sara got married two years ago and is now expecting her first. A daughter named Nora will be born in mid-July. I held my hand on her stomache and felt little Nora kick like crazy. Pretty amazing. We stayed up late. I drank too much wine. And we laughed a lot. I will go see her again this summer if it kills me...she only is 2 hours away.

Friendship is wonderful. Sara is officially my friend that I have had the longest. 12 years.
Pretty cool. Considering I am not the friend-making type.

Cheers/Jeers

In the Cheers Category:

• We won our softball game last night. A fabulous come-from-behind win!
• My college roommate Sara is in town and we stayed up late catching up on life; we'll do it again tonight!
• Guacamole. (Left-over from my Monday event)
• Black polk-a-dot skirt plus sunshine.
• Beer. Having three pints after playing outside and the official welcoming in of the season, hey guys, summer is here!
• Pansies. I have two giant containers on my front porch. They haven't died and are still blooming a magnificant purple. Flowers = Cheerful.
• I have done 100 situps every day for 10 days straight.

In the Jeers Category:

• I am not sure I have noticed any results of the 100 situps-per-day. What gives?
• I missed the only ball that was hit to me in the outfield last night; it hit me squarely on the inside of my wrist (holy shit it hurt) and is a lovely pinkins/purplish color today.
• Our offer on the house got rejected. We got rejected. I'm so hurt. (In reality, the sellers are looking for an offer with no contingency of sale).
• We still haven't sold a house. Two gorgeous houses, no buyers. I am puzzled. Impatient and puzzled.
• I ate a 1200 calorie icecream sundae yesterday...I was doing so well in the willpower category. It was good, but NOT worth it.

Overall, I think the cheers are still winning. It is amazing what warm weather does for the soul. This may be my favorite time of year (although I will say that agin in the fall). The greens are plush, there are pretty flowers everywhere, shorts are appropriate. Kids can run outside. Moms can run outside. And I can drink beer again. Ahhhhh yes, summer is here. That may be the best cheer of them all!!!!

Who's on First?

I am! Or at least I was last night! We won our first softball game of the season and had a fun doing it. The official score was 2-1. I had a hit (which was actually a tap, because the ball went a whopping 2 inches!!!). And I made no errors playing in the field. And I cought a line drive. I was quite pleased considering that I hadn't played in over 5 years! Another game tonight. Hopefully results will be similar. I forgot how much I love to play outside.

Here is the link

Of the house that Mike and I are putting an offer on today.
In case anyone really cares!

House.

You don't really get the full effect by simply looking at the pictures. It is much bigger than it appears and very open. Think lots of light and vaulted ceilings and a lofted office space (we'd use for an excercise roon).

Ok, I am done obsessing and need to leave the office to buy 2 cases of wine, pick up $575 worth of pary platters and have a meeting with the director of Emily's List. Then go to the party and try not to panic. I did get a thumbs up on my shirt from my cool lawyer colleague. That counts for something!