Man, I hate Mondays.

I could still be asleep. That is actually what my body is saying at the moment. My head aches, I am running a fever and am silmotaneously hot, then cold, then sweating, then it starts all over. I ache everywhere. Mostly my neck and back. And I feel as wimpy and pathetic as this blog sounds at the moment.

I survived the weekend--barely. Last night I was a pathetic lump on my couch and I fell asleep at 7:30. Watching a really good football game, which is shameful. It was the last game before the SuperBowl. How sad is that. And I missed almost the entire 2nd half. Taking a nap also meant that I couldn't fall into sleep with ease. I finally conked out at about midnight.

The funeral on Friday was gorgeous and horrific all the same time.
I think there were at least 2000 people that made their way through the church to offer sympathy to my uncle and cousins. Over 1000 were there for the service alone. How they stayed upright through the enire 6 hour affair is beyond me. I know I was tired of talking to people and tired of being stared at as "the family"--I can't imagine what it was like for them.

Somewhere on Thursday I caught a nasty cold. And the church was not heated for the funeral (or it was just not heated enough) so I froze and shivered the entire time. My cousins and I huddled together for most of the time. I am the oldest, so they look to me for leadership. They took turns coming up to me and hugging me for comfort and almost immediatly after embracing we would all take turns sobbing. The service was unbearably sad--I cried almost non-stop for the entire hour and half. My cousin Andrea, who is 19 and a freshman in college and a music major sang a tribute song that was amazingly gorgeous. I haven't been moved by music like that in a long, long time. The seven of us in our pew had to make three seperate trips to the back of the church for kleenex reinforcement.

Saturday was my cousin's swim meet. He swam really well-taking a solid first place in his best event. It was was great to be there, although long (over 4 hours) and HOT. I had no idea that it would be so humid and steamy, but it does make sense. I was sweating bullets the whole time. And by night I had another fever. And chills. And just wanted to be under covers and warm and safe.

So, today I am at work. I feel like complete shit. I absolutely need to be at work because I am so fucking behind. I had over 100 emails that I NEEDED to reply to. And more spam to sort and delete. And all I really want/need is tea and comforter and chicken soup. And maybe a hot bath.

I feel selfish for complaining about my petty probelms. Thinking about the recovery of my uncle and the road ahead for my cousins keeps me grounded in a "get over yourself" attitude that makes it easier to stick this out.

So. I am here. Sticking it out. At least until mid-afternoon.